strength to strength

My Six-month Sabbatical

2008-07-21T02:02:00.011+08:00

Well excuse me for taking a bloody long time to rekindle my love for penned thoughts.

Having allowed myself to fester in complacency for two long years, I have since decided to take a randomly measured leap of faith.

Writing may have been the only thing I knew how to make a decent living out of (or bluff my way into), but it's mind-blowing to see that I've finally gotten out of that comfort zone (into a most uncomfortable one, no doubt). It was a bitter farewell to the titillating food reviews, luxuriant stays in executive club floors and elitist wings, and of course, the wicked speeds on highways and envious stares from the sidewalks..

After you have had a taste of the high life, you really begin to wonder what all the fuss is about. People struggle their whole lives to get to the top, but once they're up there, they don't enjoy the view because they're simply obsessed with looking for the next peak to conquer.

I did realise one thing though - that borrowed luxury will always be borrowed luxury. And i couldn't go through another cycle without being able to share the experience with others through the experience itself instead of a written account of it.

I will give myself some time to decide if this is really where I'll be heading and perhaps, somewhere along the journey, I'll develop the confidence to say that this is what I've been looking for the whole time.

Wilt, thou

2008-04-18T21:14:00.003+08:00

Been clocking consecutive 12-hour days at the office. The last leg shall be physically and mentally depleting.

But by George, I'll cross that finish line, hook and sinker and toss the chequered flag into the fire!

Can or cannot?

2008-02-15T14:03:00.003+08:00

Words of wisdom from good ol Stewie: Whether you think you can or can't, you're right.

[edit: I stand corrected. It was Henry Ford.]

Waiting to exhale

2008-02-15T11:31:00.001+08:00

Forgetting to breathe is a sure sign of impending doom.

Perhaps my time is up.

perhaps

Allow me to take this brief moment

2007-12-04T17:21:00.000+08:00

...to introduce, in the face of insane and insurmountable hectic-ness... an atom of salvation

www.usliveradio.com

Those streamed via Adobe Flash Player seem to be quite reliable.

[takes one eternally deep breath before plunging back into the deep trenches of toil]

Read

2007-07-12T17:37:00.000+08:00

Really don't know why I've launched into a reading (and as a result, spending) frenzy but of late (well, considering how back-dated this post is, "of late" is hardly the right word), the i'll-eat-anything-chef has kept me relatively informed.

Relatively, because you won't really know what you're gonna do with the knowledge of the things sadistic chefs do in their free time, which is far less gorier than what they do in the kitchen.

I've put them aside for the time being. You can only take so much cynicism at one go. Besides, there's another pile waiting for me. Life through a psychological microscope is infinitely insightful. I'm glad they've put a lot of complicated concepts into laymen perspectives. Psychology Today has a more updated layout and pagination, but I like Psychologies (UK) better for their content.

*Tip: Don't buy off the major chains, get them at a fraction of the price-tag at those mag stock clearances at The Curve or Sungei Wang a few months later.

As for now, I'm already struggling to turn the page on these titles, on top of all the Conde Nast Travellers and T+L regulars.

Have never really been a car person, but I guess, when you have to write about the subject, you gotta know a lil bit more than how to pop the hood. Hmm, this really is more bedtime reading than I can handle...

Isan contd

2007-07-07T12:04:00.000+08:00

Absolutely cannot believe how long it has taken me to post these up. I tell ya, when your life hangs from deadline to deadline, time doesn't fly. It skips right to the next chapter even before you've flipped the page.

Lemme see.. Here we have a pic of an open-air shower at Camp Chokchai, a boutique camp incorporated into the dairy farm that we visited. The centre and right shots, taken from a Thai silk-making and weaving facility.

The stop over at Dan Kwian, Isan's pottery district is a decorator's paradise.

The mothers literally raise their kids on pottery - i saw one woman cradling a toddler on her lap and swinging another in a makeshift hammock while carving mud on a swivel.

We put up at Pak Chong district's Sak Phu Duen that has a fantastical poolside mountainview of the Khao Yai National Park (read: Taman Negara).

As luck would have it, I friggin forgot to readjust the camera settings back to high-res mode, so my humble picture is now only web-worthy. And yes, I did take all these pics on the TAT-sponsored fam trip - first and last time, unfortunately, as we've turned down similar writer-only junkets to boracay, kerala, and two other siamese spots ever since.

Here's Suwarnabhumi on the first week of operation. Boy was I glad I wasn't in that ocean looking for a lost bag man!

And whilst Changi wins handsdown in the battle of transits, the new Thai digs are def 'on', that much I can vouch for. After spending more than 10 hours in Don Muang with a sorry fried-rice-with-parmesan excuse for a dinner five years back, anything's gotta be an improvement.

And you know you're definitely in a foreign country when alsations become your lift-buddies. He/She was definitely friendlier than his/her master...

In the souvenir dept, I used most of my bahts at the airport's Jim Thompson, but getting this for my boss was definitely too diff to resist.

spa-ed out (homophobes, be warned)

2007-06-09T09:37:00.000+08:00

I don't know if it's even politically correct (yeah, men-and-beauty's-so-salah watever), but to borrow a phrase from a frend, I'm a spa-virgin no more, heh!

Of course it was new and embarrassing and uncomfortable and spine-curling ticklish all at the same time, but I guess getting your cherry popped at Tanjong Jara minimises the bad first impressions newbies at anything are prone to getting.

I won't say I'll be back for more, but it's definitely an experience I'd wanna share with baby. Hell, just give us the oils and maybe we can do without the masseurs, hor?

I've been away. My longest and lengthiest, across, then over, and finally at the tail-end of the main range. Am nursing aches, sprains, bites and sunburns (you really should slather the back of your legs all the way up when snorkelling, and a tube of aloe vera gel def comes in handy) but all that is nothing compared with the amount of anxiety that trails a post-deadline submission of work.

This really should not happen too often.

p.s. trip details and more in a bit.

sorry is the hardest word

2007-05-21T19:06:00.000+08:00

I wasn't always sure if we got it right, but watching GA one restless night in a hotel room (this is a backtracked post, so i can't remember which-one-where already) definitely shed some light.

Apologising has been one of my greatest faults. Even before i did something wrong, the profusion of sorries would've rolled out many times over. Which is why it lacks the sincerity that makes it valid.

Miranda Bailey's interjection after being apologised to hit home. "You do not get to apologise. You do not get to feel better about it."

Overly-apologetic people cannot resist saying sorry. We think that everything will be alright after that. We want the consequences of our mistakes to blow over like it never happened. We want to stop the game and restart instantly. We want to feel better about it.

For all those times I've said sorry to you and have not meant it, I guess you know what I want to say next but will not.

You & Them

2007-05-21T19:01:00.000+08:00

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centred. Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are successful, you will win some false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway. If you are honest or frank, people may cheat you. Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight. Build anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow. Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough. Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.

~ Mother Theresa ~

another quote

2007-05-20T01:36:00.000+08:00

..calling to mind on a night (well, it's still dark anyhoo) when your eyes fear the world will change forever if they so much as blink.

It was T+L's editor who said that the blessings of sleeplessness are undoubtedly a regular experience for many of her writers and photographers... 'but these are a secondary grace. Because they follow from the blessings of travel, which last far longer.'

Of course, her lack of sleep was jetlag-induced.

I wonder what's causing mine.

What is it about

2007-05-03T17:04:00.001+08:00

"What is it about falling out of an obscenely comfortable king-sized bed, only to plunge, naked, straight into your own private, 10-metre long swimming pool – set against the idyllic backdrop of an aquamarine sea – that completely ruins you for the rest of your life?

To add to this naked indulgence, your own personal chef is on hand to prepare your dinner, or even a lobster banquet." (T+L Oz Jan/Feb 07)

Fug, when will we ever learn to freaking write like that!

WHATT??

2007-04-30T12:42:00.000+08:00

This just cannot be for real!

My worry is that their starting salaries for executive positions in the fields of engineering and accountancy seem to gel with the industry average of RM2500.

1500? I can work at call centre and get more than that man!

Since it's already in the March issue

2007-04-10T12:45:00.000+08:00

...there is little need to expound on Isan's ineffable beauty. But I will anyway, haha..

The promenade here leads to a former Khmer stronghold, Phanom Rung - a towering display of asparagus bulbs cast in pink sandstone. As can be seen in the next frame.

Pictures may be worth more than words in print, but the experience can only be relived in person. I must admit insufficient time was devoted to writing the piece and much of what I intended to note got lost in translation.

Apparently, the ruins here predate Angkor Wat, sort of like a testing ground for the real thing.

From here, the tablelands of Khorat (Isan's capital, Nakhon Ratchasima) segues out into the Dongrek Peaks of Cambodia...

Between Phanom Rung and Prasat Hin Phimai (another ruin) the former is far more regal, although Phimai is older. Below right: Sai Ngarm Banyan Trees [well, 'tree' would be more accurate; read the mag fmi (for more info)]

Below, the Khao Yai PB Valley Winery and Vineyard. Felt like I was in Melbourne tasting wine again, but the air was warmer here and the ribena isn't really that much of a turn on... then again, I don't know nuts about wine.

The pre-dusk tour culminated in a heavenly Thai dinner from the dining patio with a killer vantage point.

We were quite a raucous bunch, musing about the politics and future of tourism. I kept quite most of the time, of course, but manage to carry decent conversations when it came to one-on-ones.

Vineyards and are not commonly associated with anything Thai, as are cowboy ranches and dairy farms. But Farm Chokchai here begs to differ.

there's more. come back.

At a homily recently..

2007-03-06T16:49:00.000+08:00

People don't fall because they are weak.

They fall because they think they are strong. For overconfidence in their own moral strength sets the cogs of folly in motion, and oversized egos eventually deflate of their own accord.

It's out people!

2007-03-04T00:17:00.000+08:00

From the World Gourmet pages, you really must get your filthy paws on the Farmer's Platter, a Danish import of the best in suckling piggies. (Karl's Beisl; Bangsar Puteri condo, Bt Bandaraya; 2094 0628)

complement it with creamy mashed potatoes, some Austrian pasta, and one heck of a goulash and you'll beat Adam and Eve at their own game.

So sinful you'll need to do a double in the confessional.

And I've not even started on their desserts - cheesecake, crepe, strudle, sour cherries... homemade ice cream... You're done for, man!!

But the icing on December's cake will just have to be the Rasa lounge at Shangri-La's newly refurbished Rasa Sayang where guests of the Rasa Wing can nurse their Moet & Chandon fantasies to high heaven in between generous servings of shrimp kebabs and fresh sushi.

This, of course, before retreating into your balcony tub - having taken a good three hours to fill - where a welcoming party of soapsuds and rose petals greet you with soothing geranium wafting over the dreamy night.

*photos of Karl's Beisl
by Eric Chow@Blink Studios

Menjamu Sekeping Serendah

2007-03-03T22:38:00.000+08:00

Just under 2 hours from the city lies your home away from home.

With a virgin rainforest hugging all that steel, glass and wooden splendour, you'll wake up not knowing how you got there in the first place.

They've also got two air-conditioned sheds made of mud walls (think, cooling mud mask) with an open air shower where chipmunks and chimpanzees can freely ogle at your dripping frame.

Your typical RDA of mother nature and highly recommended for those afflicted with nervous breakdowns.

*pixes by Eric Chow@Blink Studios

Cloud nine

2007-03-03T21:40:00.000+08:00

When you think it can't get any better than this..

It does...

No kidding man...

Worship the island, people! There's Batu Caves for you...

Heaven's not far, I tell ya!...

*photos by Wei Hong@Blink Studios

In between

2007-02-16T15:38:00.000+08:00

Life is full of beginnings and endings.

We've open new chapters and buried old ones.

There's really not much left to be said, but seeing the seeds that we've planted finally sprouting shoots, rising from the ground and struggling for air and sunshine...

...grants a brief solace from
the madness.

Each time a new batch arrives at our door - hot off the presses - the bubbles in our stomachs shimmy up to the tips of our noses.

And as much as we wanna rip those brownpaper parcels (swaddling our babies) to shreds, we're also gritting our teeth and fearing the worse - unforgivable typos, misaligned layouts, pictures that appeared much livelier on screen than in print (but still altogether stunning)...

The resolve will always be to do better than the one before that.

So here they are folks, the fruit of our loins:

The first unofficial issue (top left) is the mock issue that most people will never get their hands on. Yeah, I've got my secret stash... might be worth millions in 50 years! Shh...

The past six months certainly didn't take its own sweet time getting here.

Yes, life is mostly about beginnings and endings.

It is often the 'in betweens' that people don't talk about.

Once While Travelling

2006-10-04T07:45:00.000+08:00

Just got back from I-San, and for obvious reasons, I can't really write about it until its hit the stands. Anyways, Suvarnabhumi was packed, as expected. Thank goodness our bags didn't end up in Krgystan or something.

And it's just amazing how resilient the Thais are. Or maybe they just couldn't be bothered. Life just goes on for them. Only spotted one tank in the capital.

On the home front, Tony and Maureen made an appearance yesterday to promote their new book recounting the Lonely Planet story... their story, essentially. A reporter present mentioned that the whole thing was poorly organised because it wasn't announced in the papers, no one knew they were coming etc...

I had to disagree. More than a quarter of those present were tourists, and devoted followers of the LP guidebooks, I'm sure. They knew about the public appearance because they'd give a whole damn about knowing these things. constantly.

The book was published last year and distributed in Oz and NZ, and they're only going to the US next year. It's very in sync with the whole LP concept of going it with baby steps. That is perhaps a skill we've never quite mastered, that slow and steady wins the race. Unless you're JK Rowling, going to the masses gradually actually helps you market to the people that most appreciate your work.

Will be burying nose in book now. Toodles!

When you've spent the whole month

2006-07-28T23:10:00.000+08:00

racking grey matter to produce words in sensible order, the last thing you'll probably wanna do is think summore as you blog.

But if i din think before typing then i porbably this is what you get. Very rather incoherent just babbling and boy it feels good to type at this speed.

Anyways, crunch week has ended. But we're still picking up the smaller pieces and the odds and ends. Tony gave me a raincheck just minutes after setting the appointment please God let us get to him before the end of next week!

I was returning from Bukit Bintang monorail the other day without a headache until i got a headache, naturally. A whole bunch of germans were rattling away, the Arabs sitting in front of me were also telling long stories while admiring baby clothes that one of them bought - men! Behind them were two korean girlfrens in animated chatter and i can't remember if the bunch of Indo-chinese were on the same train.

But they all talked at the same time and my ears were so pain!!

There was also this blind lady who was trying to hail a cab on Jalan-freaking-busy-Imbi and i just totally passed her knock on my head. Felt bad but God gave me another chinese dude who needed help to Putra LRT on my way from KL sentral monorail.

I couldn't go beyond the LRT barriers but not long after, a lady in pink picked up where i left off and it's good to know that's how life is suppose to be. Everyone chip in with one small deed at a time to save nine.

It also feels good not needing to think twice before clickety clacking and rework a sentence five times before moving on the next sentence good night!

I wish I had the luxury

2006-07-12T23:36:00.001+08:00

...of touching up these photos ahead of publishing.

Or waiting for everything to be in place before snapping away.

Or even ensuring that my table was realigned with the others following some wiring work.

But i don't.

So, what may look like a set-up for some unveiling ceromony on the left is actually precaution against post-drilling concrete dust from landing inside the keyboard panel and heaven forbid, inadvertant scratches to the monitor while cleaning.

On the bright side (that would be the outside, since) our roller blinds are finally up - a simple, functional facility that has a chic form-factor.

It's not cloth, but no one's complaining - these beautes will never get tangled the way vertical blinds do nor become bent out of shape or dusty had we installed those aluminised venetian ones.

We've employed an open-desk concept where cubicles (and ceiling) are non-existent. Aside from not being able to afford partitions, i'm kinda into the idea of being within spitting (and aiming) distance from everyone else, y'know.

The following shots of my lil sanctum speak for themselves. I might get a cork board so i can pin up stuff.

A mess will rear its ugly head in the months to come. Anyhoo, my drawers will soon be brimming with saccharine treats (shhh!) and pick-me-uppers for slow periods as well as crunch weeks.

It has taken me more than two hours to configure this post to my satisfaction.

I guess i just want to remember it. As a momento of our single-handed humble beginnings. And a symbol of greater beginnings to come.

Here's to the team. It's never easy going it on your own. It's never comfortable being the underdog. It's never clear how it will turn out. But you start somewhere. Somehow.

It feels great to be a part of history in the making. The ship's afloat and the cogs are in motion.

Insyallah, we'll reach our cape of hope!

Yay, our phones are here!

...ek. has left his seat!

feels like we're all training...

2006-07-06T08:05:00.000+08:00

for an "assemble-ikea-furniture" competition...

My limbs, hands and feet especially, are all sore from all the shopping for drawers and shelves and stationery and sorting and putting everything together. But i guess it certainly beats bumming around the office all day with absent phone lines or WiFi.

At last, everything is spiffily coming together and our humble workplace will soon be tolling with the familiar bells of a media org.

err... power-drilling services, now available!

[edit] after today, we're office bums no more, Tiger's running, WiFi's up, we even have an apple multimedia remote! coolness!

starting from scratch

2006-07-04T12:40:00.000+08:00

...in the most literal sense of the word.

Our spanking new office has finally seen the light of day. But unfortunately, the light of day left me feeling a lil queasy coz the blinds have yet to be installed.

Over the weekend, we went in to build our workspace. Yup, from the floor up, in an ikea kind of way. Right now, there're only tables, chairs (which i love, btw), a Myvi green IT cabinet (everything else is in a matte tone of ebony minus the ivory on the walls), and an open concrete ceiling. And, of course, wooden parquet flooring since that's the core business of our parent company.

Can't wait till our 19-inch flat screens and Mac minis are up and running. and, i need the phone!!

Pictures in a bit. okay, maybe longer.

sorry to disappoint...

2006-06-13T13:50:00.000+08:00

but i've been turning in close to 2am for the past three days,

sleeping in late every morning's been kinda cool. alas, but not for long...

work really should not be this engaging, heh!

The Sun and Yasmin Ahmad

2006-06-01T11:58:00.000+08:00

Why do you think your movies are so controversial and make people uncomfortable?
I really don't know.

You must have some idea.
(After thinking for a while)

[and boy, does she have more than just 'some idea']
In many local films, it is very clear-cut, bad people are always bad and the good people always good.

Which is to me anyway, completely unfaithful to real life. In real life, good people have some bad in them and bad people have some good in them.

My film Sepet features someone like Orked who reads the Quran and prays and wears baju kurung. She holds the hand of a Chinese boy. Some people wonder how she can read the Quran and pray, and yet fall in love with a Chinese boy.

People don’t understand I didn’t make Orked out to be an angel. People want my films to feature good people as always good and bad people as always bad.

The person who said in the forum she (Orked) can’t be a good Muslim if she goes out with a Chinese boy and holds his hands, I find it very silly.

Gubra shows prostitutes are not all villains. She may be bad for selling her body, but she is a good mother and takes care of her son. They grey area makes people uncomfortable.

We have been showing films and dramas where people are exemplary citizens. Society has not improved. Handbag snatching is at an all-time high, child rape is at an all-time high and drug addiction has not abated.

[And in the next sentence she strikes at the core of what i feel embodies her entire pursuit in films. I think contemporary movie makers have been doing this for some time now. It's just that i've never really heard someone articulate it in better terms.]

"Perhaps, featuring people as exemplary citizens has not worked. Perhaps understanding their contradiction might work better," Yasmin Ahmad.

- excerpted from All About Feelings

The Sun eXtra! June 1st

Here's a million bucks, son... on me!

2006-05-31T22:09:00.000+08:00

Caught Oprah's show on Class in America.

It was pretty daunting to me that Warren Buffet felt it right not to leave the greater part of his wealth to his family after dying. That beyond a dutiful upbringing and a sound education, parents have no further obligation to indulge their children in monetary terms.

But it made sense.

After all, if an adult works hard enough to earn a billion quid, he is certainly entitled to do as he pleases with his fortune. Why should his children be splurging the fruits of his labour? They didn't earn it. Just so happens his blood is coursing through their viens. And unless they are able to generate that kind of income for themselves, they'd probably squander it all off anyway.

Which is why Warren Buffet, despite all his 40 billion dollars of wealth, has a struggling-artist-grand daughter who can't even afford health insurance. And just to make ends meet, she's also the household help of a much less wealthy family.

i think buffet senior is doing a great justice to the dismal state of the distribution of wealth across society. If, of course, he gives his money to people who really need it.

The question for us, then:

Do you, at times, feel like your parents owe you so much more than what you're getting when you compare yourselves to those rich brats who drive their daddy's German cars to school?

Know how difficult it is to make a single cent. Multiply that knowledge a hundred-fold and then you'll truly understand the value of a dollar.

back sooner than you thought

2006-04-06T09:42:00.000+08:00

been on a mag-flipping frenzy of late.

anyone knows what an infinity pool is?

well, according to bocaratonhomes.net, it's...

'A pool which gives the visual impression of extending into "infinity." A lower edge of the pool allows water to spill into a trough and is pumped back into the pool. This is a popular upgrade in Florida pool homes, especially where the line of the "disappearing" edge is continuous with a water view.'

sometimes, it's also called a horizon pool coz the spilling edge or edges create an illusion of the sea line.

Yes, as can be seen, all the kiasu people can have two infinity-edges.

Holiday villas in the Thai kingdom come spiffily fitted with 'the' view as you lap luxuriously close to the fringes of the horizon while sipping margueritas or trading underwater head-ies (wuz gonna say blowies, but learnt in Persuasive Writing that a wrong choice of words will render semantic misinterpretation.)

what can i say?

To infinity... and beyond!!

* pixes from lifestyle+travel's 'Villas For Sale' pullout.

i want to be head-hunted all my life

2006-04-05T10:19:00.000+08:00

How do you tell a story?

By delving into its depths.

The deeper you go, the more interesting it becomes.

everybody loves to be told a story; we all become bald little toddlers sitting on daddy's lap with attentive ears and keen eyes. Eager to frolic in the playground of colours he paints and be swaddled in a tapestry of fantasy-filled tales. Our whole beings are woven into the threads of adventure and we become lost in the storyteller's world.

tell the story. leave an impression. and you will be remembered.

to the next entry, then.

i'll see you guys, as usual, in eons.

i know, 'bummer' (heh!)

cameron spoofs

2006-03-14T10:24:00.000+08:00

...technology is much more advanced up in the highlands, they must have studied the self droppin properties of the durian.

...yep, strawberries need their privacy in order to self-pluck.

...this, my friends, is a 5 pax sang woh (double sided steamboat of chicken broth and tom yam soup) for a table of 7.

..new vegetable; i wonder what it's good for??

...now that we know what fried cleary does to your bowels...

...we also know what would happen to people with a flatulence problem.

...and so, i shall end the first part of this entry with a momento of my travels.

i suppose it's pretty obvious by now where i went for a breather over the weekend, huh?

Apr 23rd edit : sorry folks, don't have time to upload the rest of the pixes, i'm sure mark won't mind me redirecting traffic to his blog where you can see what i saw. thx mark!

wouldn't you agree

2006-03-08T14:07:00.000+08:00

that our lives revolve around the lives of media gatekeepers everywhere?

Our realities, are their realities?

Because all that we know of the world, is derived from what we read. And what we read is what they put in for us to read.

If they didn't know something to be true, then it wouldn't be true for us as well.

ai seh ah...

2006-03-07T21:11:00.000+08:00

For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven,
and do not return there until they have watered the earth,
making it bring forth and sprout,
giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater,

so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth;
it shall not return to me empty,
but it shall accomplish that which I purpose,
and succeed in the thing for which I sent it.

how much

2006-02-15T11:31:00.000+08:00

Keeping Mum left me with an inexplicable urge to skim through the book of Job. And so, instead of dozing off to sleep, i flicked the lights back on and opened the bible for one of the very first times.

Answers just seem to pop up right out of the pages huh?

realised something, among many other things, that night.

Now, i know the book's about God and His unquestionable, mysterious ways. But that's not what i want to talk about.

Job's allegiance to God was allowed to be tested. Tested to know the strength of his devotion.

Baby caught the flu over the weekend. At 3am one night, she messaged saying she felt cold all over... can't get up... dunno what to do... shivering from a fever, and still more worried about the group presentation at 9.

All i could do at three or four in the morning, near and yet far, was reply the message.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

You know how girls always ask their boyfriends: Do you love me? How much do you love me?

I'm sure you've asked the same questions.

I've often wondered myself. how much.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

but if the extent of my love for her can only be ascertained by how much i can or cannot bear to see her suffer, if i have to allow it to be tested, probed and stretched to the point of breaking to see where the limit lies...

then i never want to know just how much.

advice. take before/after food/ when necessary

2006-02-15T10:22:00.000+08:00

To one: You can't go forward when someone's pushing you in the opposite direction. Nobody wins in a war. If you really want a happy ending, co-operate. Put yourself in the their shoes and try to see how the both of you can be satisfied. Sometimes, you have to understand them first, and when they see that you're making the effort, they might reciprocate.

To another: Sometimes, if it doesn't kill you, it might make you stronger. But it doesn't stop there. You can be strong and bitter, or strong and graceful. And other times, maybe it's a sign for extra caution. Maybe it's God's way of telling you, stop! Your time hasn't come. Yet.

To self: quit giving so much advice and start studying

It's "Get a room!", not a "CLASS-room"!!

2006-02-06T09:34:00.000+08:00

Okay, i have like about a tonne of things to crap about, and two tonnes of incomplete, and therefore unposted, drafts.

But nothing is probably half as urgent as this.

"Next time you people want to make out in a room, LOCK THE DOOR!! Okay, i understand! It's after the holidays, your belly's full of crap laced with aphrodisiacs. You haven't seen each other for two million years. But it doesn't help if you don't disappear after being given more than 5 minutes to do so!!"

Freshmen!

sigh.

fine, not all freshies then...

prose ka?

2006-01-10T11:04:00.000+08:00

Getting what you want outa yourself is discipline,

Getting what you want outa others is people skills,

Letting others get what they want outa you is benevolence,

Letting them step all over you is bullshit.

Swimming on land...

2006-01-08T11:13:00.000+08:00

is an example of what i meant in my previous entry.

It's not brilliant, it's just different.

There really is a price for everything. If i think i'm different, it doesn't mean i have an edge over others. If i beat others to the finishing line, it just means i took a different route. May have been longer even, it's just that, no one saw how hard i ran.

Picking this up 15 years down the road still makes for interesting read. "When it's 3 o'çlock in America, it's still 1938 in London". If that is how it goes, then it must be 1400 in this country, and 200 BC in my head."

In other news and views, into final semester of studies. Only one more chance to screw up. again. hahah...

Sometimes, you're daring to be different

2006-01-04T23:02:00.000+08:00

but most of the time, you're just plain wierd.

Not usually one for pranks, but what the hey try this and enjoy it la...

And thy hunger shall be satisfied...

2005-12-26T12:45:00.000+08:00

okie, my two weeks of going awol are up. oh, did i say two weeks? i meant, a month and two weeks!!

So, lazy me iz juz gonna melt everything into one pot.

i don't think i've been away from here this long ay? Well, we had our third annual youth camp at PD early Dec and preparations were, to say the least, exhausting. Loved the meditation session where the facilitator could identify what we each saw in our heads.

A pic worth posting is this one here of a dopey beach cat. Now wouldn't you agree that its definitely been too manja-fied?

moving on. spring cleaning when december ends...

this is how it's done... shove every damn thing onto the floor, wipe the tables and shelves, pick up item one at a time and decide whether it deserves a wipe before being put back or goes straight for the roobish bag - that's scottish for trash, rite mei ling?

Cleaning was spread across two days. Could have been longer had my domestic engineer --> not showed up! Damn am i lucky to have someone who can't stand messy spaces!

I'm not going by chronological order, but we went about our yuletide duties -

caroling and partying and practicing and playing for midnight mass as usual. Here are two special cakes that deserve a mention, homemade by Steph and Anne Marie. choc fudge and lemon cheese.

Somewhere in the middle of everything was the church's maiden Christmas pantomime. Funny i'm mentioning it in such an 'oh, by the way' manner, coz this caused the motherlode of all my backaches, stiff necks and want of sleep! Not a mainstream youth activity, the pantomime actually interrupted quite a number of our plans. But everything pulled through in the end, despite my being blacklisted in my own taman's xmas party and caroling. It's a time for giving i guess.

Makeshift halos with billowing satin tails

Stage: getting there...

Stage after makeover

Lights

All the painstaking effort put into the star that kinda melted on contact with metallic paint

kevin's impersonation of the cat above

The peeps behind the cloth: the props gang

I don't yet have pictures of the performance. Well, obviously, since i was too busy doing a lot of holding. Yar holding on to the backdrop, holding my breath so backdrop wouldn't jiggle, and holding back sneezes so backdrop wouldn't collapse on tiny actors and actresses.

And y'know, i always thought wishing upon a star was animistic, but i guess it's up for personal interpretation.

I hope i'll always see bright stars leading up to baby Jesus, and my wish would be to remember that all riches and glory lie with Him, through Him and in Him. Because we will never truly appreciate life without sacrifice.

Blessed New Year greetings everyone!!

2005-11-15T09:46:00.000+08:00

no, asoh@blogspot is not shutting down.

but there really won't be any updating until at least two weeks from now.

too. freaking. busy.

if you're going through a quarter-life crisis

2005-11-04T12:06:00.000+08:00

just remember, so's everyone else.

because misery loves company and if you know other people are just as miserable - maybe more - you'll start feeling better about yourself.

We're all on the same sampan.

Dayung la all the way to freakin singapore already! And we'll all do it together. Coz the journey will always seem shorter when you do it together!

Okay?

p.s. This goes out to all my form 5 & 6 buddies, yquakers and all who are feeling low. My heart's with ya!

my lil miracle

2005-10-31T22:17:00.000+08:00

we drove to Putrajaya to see the sights n waited till midnight.

she wrote me a song.

Can you believe it? I know i can't. It's like a scene from the screen with a role reversal. Three cheers for gender equality, huh!

Little Miracle
Today, remember today,
For it is the day I show my love for you,
It's time to tell you I love you,
For sweetheart the world,
That is what you mean to me...

Looking back at the things we've been through,
I can't wait, the things we anticipate,
To cherish you, to love you, to take care of you,
That is my prayer every single day...

Please be the sunshine in my life,
The stars that light my night,
All I ever wanted, is to stay by your side,
I want to be your little miracle,
I want us to be our dream come true,
Not just now but for the rest of our lives...

I just don't know how to tell you,
But I love you so much and I don't know why,
Let's make everyday our day,
And go through everything hand in hand...
_______________________________________________________

so, here i am, after last night and a full day of ecstasy, officially melted and turned soft-ey.

wonder how i'm ever gonna beat that when her birthday comes around? heh!

sigh, my lil' miracle....

she sure is sumthin, i tell ya!

Luv yoo, fi. so much!

hiba yang tak terhingga

2005-10-20T23:19:00.000+08:00

followed the live telecasts of the funeral of our nation's first lady.

something moved me. Our PM loves his wife. And he's made known publicly just how much. i shudder to think of how he must have felt. how he must feel right now.

Inched closer to the tv trying to make out pak lah's countenance. Would he break down? Maybe he was just so numbed by everything, so overwhelmed. It's not happening. Not real. But it is. She's not here anymore. Love's not here anymore. She's gone. Love's gone.

yee lee said there's a chinese saying that these things happen because the gods are envious. Envious that two people can be so sucessful, so powerful, and yet be as close and committed to each other as they were. Envious that they were not allowed to do it, to be it, anymore.

Why do these things always happen to good people?

I asked that question myself. But when i saw that pak lah kept his composure the whole time, even as he realised he'll never be able to see the woman he loves for the remainder of his life, even as he goes to sleep tonight and every night from now on with a part of his heart buried with her, even as he carries on with life without the humanly support of his no. 1 supporter, i also saw the silver lining...

Instead of pining for an everlasting physical future with endon that will never now exist, he can look back, fondly, at a past he did not take for granted. Knowing that he did all he could as faithful, loving husband, and as head of state, to be the companion that he was.

And those memories will be his guiding light.

maka hiba...

tidak lagi terasa.

forgiven, not forgotten.

2005-10-09T21:36:00.000+08:00

Someone said that in forgiving, perhaps we do not forget.

Rather, we remember in a different way.

And we do that in hope of a more pleasant future in that relationship with the person whom we forgive.

I'll buy that.

not ready

2005-10-03T23:59:00.000+08:00

It's been more than a month. Her frens said that the first three are the honeymoon months of a relationship, and that it'll be all downhill from there.

So here i suddenly find myself picking up reads like John Gray's Men, Women and Relationships and Judith Viorst's Grown-Up Marriage (I know... "what the @@#$%!", right?! oh btw, UTAR stocks David Beckham's My Side too!)

Lately, been doing a lot of thinking. And i think i've come to a reasonable conclusion.

i'm not capable of handling a relationship.

i'm not capable of loving someone else to bits and have a grip on my own life at the same time.

developed an unquenchable thirst for the follies of other relationships coz i wanted to avoid them. Wanted to steer clear of the path of damnation so many couples have trodden.

But sometimes.

I think i'm trying to be Mr Perfect and i forget that i might just be her Mr Right. Forget that edwin with all his shortcomings and wierd nuances is the edwin that suits her fine.

So yes. I still am incapable. But now i try to remember that my handicaps are precisely why i'm in this in the first place.

It's a long and winding road all the way to happiness. I will fall, twist my ankles, scrape my knees. But at least i know someone's holding my hand throughout the journey.

=)

that other four letter word

2005-10-03T22:27:00.000+08:00

i remember not knowing if she'd be interested in me. And how my lack of knowledge stemmed from my fear of rejection.

i chose not to know.

And the problem remained, that she also did not know.

i wasn't confident. or at least i appeared that way.

but looking back, i think i was too confident. too proud to be humbled by the posibility of rejection.

Or maybe i was just patient. because i knew my time would come. If not with her, then perhaps, with someone else. But i doubted that. I seriously doubted that.

I had a utopian view of the most used and overused theme of movies and pop hits. The stuff world religions are borne of. The skip of heartbeats. The cause of heartaches...

I wanted to give my entire heart to a person who'd do the same for me.

I wanted someone whom i could understand in a way no other person would, and who understood me.

I wanted to enter into a relationship knowing that i'd never leave. Knowing she's the one I'd share the rest of my life with.

Relationships are no bed of roses, people say.

I never once thought it was, y'know.

But i'm a dreamer, and i have some dreams, i guess.

When i'm 30, I wanna wake up to her baby face and see her breathe in her sleep, tuck the lost strands of her hair behind her ear.

When i'm 40, I wanna still be able to whisper those three lil words before i go out to work and miss her immediately after that.

When i'm 50, I wanna look into her eyes instead of at the food when we're eating out. The children might disown us, who cares.

When i'm 60, I wanna take night walks around the garden and hold her hand like i'm holding it for the first time.

When i'm 70, I don't wanna be able to sleep without needing to clutch on to the hems of her peejays, coil my fingers around her pinky and drift off to that familiar whiff of her hair.
___________________________

Kak Yasmin said before that her detractors told her Sepet wasn't real. And well, this is how the tai ka cheh responded to those bullies:

Who's to say what's real and not real. It happened to me. It was real for me! Are you saying that my reality is not real but yours is?
___________________________

So one and a half years passed.

And my time came, i guess.
___________________________

Love.

She told me before that she didn't really know what it was, but she said one thing that i'd always remember.

That she'd be willing to find out.

And that's exactly what we're doing now, i think.

Finding out.

I love you, fi.

the truth about the truth

2005-09-24T13:04:00.000+08:00

somewhere in my movie-marathon was Closer - a tale of infidelity, of why people fall in and out of love, and why they just can't seem to bloody make up their minds.

It pushes the limits of trust and honesty and how stubborn minds that think too much can distort reality.

These people had very honest relationships.

Husband: I slept with a whore last night. I'm sorry. Do you still love me?

Wife: Well I'm sorry too, i fucked another guy right there on that sofa when you, my dearest husband, was away. He's gentler. WHat? Why the hell are you so obsessed with the details? Yes, we do all the things that normal people who have sex do. Yes he tasted good. Better. Yes, i cummed. Yes, i touched myself while i cummed.

Another Man: I want you. And i know you want me too.

W: I'm no thief

M: I'm sorry. (We don't have a choice. We are destined to commit adultery)

Honest, but oh so irresponsible. So, hell they were truthful alright. Yeah, they didn't want to lie about being unfaithful. But in the end it was all just bull crap. Bull crap as opposed to the truth.

I especially liked the role that Natalie Portman played. The stripper who told everyone she was Alice but went by the moniker of Jane Jones when she was working in the club. Clive Owen's character demanded that she told him her real name but Jane Jones was the only thing she offered.

The credits start rolling after the scene where Alice reenters the States and the immigration officer wishes her upon passport inspection, "Welcome back, Ms Jones."

The truth.

What is it? We want the truth so badly but when we really get it, it's too hot for us to handle.

How many times have you felt that something was too good to be true? Human beings are suckers for misery. We're addicted to it. I think we are so self-depreciating that it's no longer "too good to be true". It's "too true to be good".

Our minds are programmed to think like that. Nothing good is ever true. Nothing true is ever good. So we coil ourselves back into this habit of self-degradation and start depriving ourselves. Depriving ourselves of the simple pleasures of love and living..... we love living in a world of self denial.

__________________

Next time you feel someone's dropped a tiny parcel all the way from heaven at your doorstep, tell yourself: It is as good as it gets. It may even get better.

Ronald McD may just be able to give us a bit more than blocked arteries and chronic renal failure. There is some truth in luvin' it, you know. Coz we're livin' it!

dying for it

2005-09-23T02:50:00.000+08:00

"Throughout time, men have waged war. Some for power, some for glory, some for honor - and some for love."

TROY.

Is a fucking. good watch!

Thought it was a real drab when it first came out. I hat (everybody know the past tense for 'shit' rite) the eject button barely 5 minutes into the show but thank Apollo i decided to do nothing for the first week of my sem break and so had nothing better to do but go on a dvd marathon-of-six within 48 hours.

Fighting for Love
Men speak of the ultimate sacrifice when it comes to defending the love of their lives.... Imagine if a guy came up to you and said he's willing to die for you!

But, noe what? It's just too romantic to want to die off and leave behind a rosy picture. When you do die, you're suddenly the greatest lover of all time. You want to be one too? Easy. Just vanish from the face of the earth and make more widows and orphans. What about the times, especially the hard times, that you've committed to journey and endure together? What will ever happen to "you arrogant bastard!" and "you sleazy tart!"? What about the... what about the... you still there...? err...hallo? See, you leave. You don't care that someone is left behind.

What i think.

I think living, not dying. Yes, living for love, is more difficult. And difficult is what makes it all the more worthwhile.Lazy to elaborate. Figure this one out yourselves la.

dreams come true...

2005-09-13T22:08:00.000+08:00

you just have to hold on to them long enough.

remember doin this on newspapers a long time ago

2005-09-06T18:26:00.000+08:00

okay boys and gurls, try breaking down the clutter and gimme a list of what you see. Use the comments link ya, not my chatterbox.

i noe - lame excuse for an entry, haha.

wuz bored ma.

Behold

2005-09-02T12:44:00.000+08:00

An alternative function of the ironing board.

Next: Breakfast in bed.

Any takers?

let's fight

2005-08-30T11:52:00.000+08:00

Couples fight.

A productive fight can resolve in two things, y'know.

Number 1:
You learn how to accept your partner for his flaws. And since you know people don't change easily, you won't expect him to.

Number 2:
Your partner springs a pleasant surprise.

You know, problem solving in a relationship requires the effort of both parties. You can't say you'll do this, you'll do that and everything will be alright, coz you're dismissing the thoughts of the other person altogether.

You gotta share the contents of your mind, clear the confusion and reach a consensus on what just happened back there.

Sometimes, you learn that you took a side of her forgranted. The thoughtful side; the understanding side; the "let's work things out" side; and the "I never once thought it would jeopardize our relationship, y'know" side. And this is the best part of the fight. Coz after that, you learn to appreciate each other even more!

i always thought it was more about giving than anything else. But i guess, sometimes, you just havta kick back, hold out your hand, and, well... receive.

It just bowls you over, man!

Fear

2005-08-25T15:08:00.000+08:00

Fear is not an end in itself. It's a means to an end.

Fear is demand in translation.

When you fear something. You also want something.

And when you conquer that fear. You get what you want.

Will he

2005-08-21T15:56:00.000+08:00

freakin update the blog already!!

it's been ages!
it's been freaking longer than freakin ages!

I... err...urm

I'm sorta speechless lah, heh!

yep, cat caught ma tongue...

a rather cute cat at that too

*winks*

If you've always dreamt of being a top surgeon...

2005-08-10T13:27:00.000+08:00

you might wanna reconsider, because:

1. You'll be breathing in that awful 'sterile' smell of the mask all your (working) life.

2. As a result of wearing said mask, your entire mouth area might decide to adopt an equatorial climate (read: hot and humid). And believe me, it's no joke when pimples decide to displace all your facial hair (talk about colonisation!)

3. Eventually, you'd wish you were a fish - just throw yourself in a big bath tub of water and let your gills do all the breathing!

Yar, this post is haze related. The third item prolly has nothing to do with the first two. My train of thought has been derailed by all the smoke I've inhaled.

But, I dunno. Still wan to be a surgeon ah?

p.s. yep, niki's back - so now, you get to see what she sees. stay tuned!

The sooner you fall, the faster you'll get up

2005-08-10T07:15:00.000+08:00

I shall ellaborate on this one fine day.

am missing my niki now

2005-08-05T18:13:00.000+08:00

Heh, i got niki in april. She's been away from me for quite some time actually. Helping other people out. Being passed from one hand to another... but she's like that. Lurvs helping others.

she should be going for UTAR's inaugural convo over the weekend, i think. Dunno when niki'll be back. But until then, we'll just have to do with photoless blog entries.

niki's my Nikon 5600 digicam lah. Yup, the one that took all those great panoramic shots on my previous east coast trip.

am missing my niki now.

but not as much as i'm missing someone else...

=]

what i wrote a year ago... stands.

2005-08-04T08:48:00.000+08:00

The Fly Away Sonnet

Everybody says
you're a good girl,
a happy child,
delicate thing;
i'm sensing deep inside,
you'll want to be a wild wing,
a free spirit, sky-soaring;

Don't wanna be your cage.
Go fly away,
find your way...
But just know,
that i'll always be here

waiting...

waiting..

always.

uncertainty

2005-08-03T07:19:00.000+08:00

If there's anything certain in this world, it's gotta be that nothing is.

Yes, you try sometimes, to connect the dots, solve the puzzle, spot the ball, mark the X, but i guess, sometimes. Sometimes.... you just gotta believe that life is not a problem to be solved. But a mystery to be lived.

I used to think there's an answer to everything. But i've come to accept that I just do not have all the answers to life, but i know someone who does. So why let stuff bother me when i can let that someone take care of it?

...Some things just have to be left uncertain...

It's a wide river separating the hearts of men.

Trust is the bridge.

shock treatment

2005-07-29T12:02:00.000+08:00

Last night I got scolded.

It was over dinner.

Then I got scolded.

It was over dessert.

Then I got scolded again.

It was in the car.

No holds barred.

Words that cut deep into the inaccesible recesses of the conscience and ego.

But somethings just have to be done, like how siamese twins just have to be put under the scalpel.

It's a milestone, actually. Something worth noting. Something worth remembering. That's why i'm blogging la...

Love.

It's all about getting enough of it. We should have individual chambers in our hearts for storing the love we get. From our families, from our friends, from our relatives, from our acquaintances, and from strangers. But we keep forgetting, that the source of love is God.

And so when one chamber is drained of love, you'll need a love transfusion. God's love needs to be allowed to top-up or replenish that chamber.

So when that happens, you don't lose your sense of self.

Also the love we give.

The love we receive and the love we give. It's not an exchange. There may be a limit to the love we give. But there will never be a limit to the love we receive.

So when we realise that, maybe we won't run out of love to give.

being realistic

2005-07-25T20:55:00.000+08:00

being realistic is not the same as being real.

When you're realistic, you just save yourself the trouble.

When you're not realistic, or rather, when you refuse to be, you suffer. So, the question should be, "Is it all worth it?"... Is all the suffering worth it?

"Is it all worth it?" is also different from "Will it all be worth it?" Is indicates the present. Will points to the future.

-----------------------

I'll stop waiting,

when i know for sure that the hand holding yours

will never let go.

and i may never know...

but somehow, i do.

for now, at least.

When i know for sure that the hand holding yours

will never let go

I'll stop waiting.

just wanna be real, that's all.

"If you're happy, I'm happy!" Is that a lie?

2005-07-25T19:49:00.000+08:00

You know how when a baby sees or hears another baby cry, they'd sooner start wailing too? Or how laughter or yawning is contagious?

keep telling myself...

You have no reason to be caught in between
but you just feel so helpless
You wanna do everything in your power to dry up those tears
coz they become your tears too.
-----------------------

I'm glad this storm has passed for you.

I don't know why I'm doing this. But I just know I want to. And you must never know. You will never know.

So that my tears will never be yours

my, aren't we in a reading mood...

2005-07-19T16:47:00.000+08:00

"There are basically three ways of behaving in relationships that people routinely label as "love".

"I love you if…" Qualified love, if love, is conditional love. It is given or received only when certain conditions are met. The only way to get this kind of love is to earn it by performing in an approved way. Some parents love their children if they behave well, if they get good grades, or if they act or dress a certain way. Among married or dating couples, love may be withheld if one partner fails to do or be what the other expects. If love is basically selfish. It is a bargaining chip offered in exchange for something desired…

Another subtle sexual if pressure is found in the common misconception that all dating couples are having sex. The message is, "Since everyone is doing it, you will love me if you do it too.” What these girls don’t realise is that the love they expect to win from a boy by meeting his sexual demands is only a cheap imitation of love intended to compromise their character. It cannot satisfy the need for love, and it is never worth the price of sexual compromise.

If love always has strings attached. As long as certain conditions prevail, the relationship is fine. But when expectations are not met, love is withdrawn. Many marriages break up because they were built on if love. When one or both partners fail to perform up to the desired standard, "love" turns to disappointment and resentment.

If love is not true love. If you are in a relationship and sense pressure to perform in a certain way to gain the love you desire, the relationship is not governed by true love.

"I love you because…" The second kind of love, because love, is a close cousin of if love. One person loves another because of something he or she is, has, or does. Someone may say, "I love you because you are so beautiful or I love you because you take good care of me" or "I love you because you make me laugh.” Traci may be an example of because love, since she is strongly attracted to Luke because he is so sweet, kind, and romantic around her.

Because love sounds pretty good. Almost everyone appreciates being loved for who they are or what they do. It is certainly preferable to if love, which must be constantly earned and requires a lot of effort. Being loved because we are good-looking, witty, kind, wealthy, popular, and so on seems much less demanding and conditional rather than trying to bargain for love.

But what will happen to Traci’s love when she meets someone who is sweeter and kinder than Luke? How will she treat Luke if he stops being an impressive youth-group leader or if he cannot afford to take her on romantic dates? If Traci’s love is based on what Luke does, it may not survive any negative changes in his role or performance.

Because love is not true love. You may find yourself attracted to someone because of his or her personality, position, intelligence, skill, or ability. But if your love is not founded on more than what that person appears to be, has, or does, it will not last.

"I love you, period.” The third kind of love is love without conditions. This kind of love says, "I love you despite what you may be like deep down inside. I love you no matter what might change about you. You can’t do anything to turn off my love. I love you, period!”

Love, period is not blind. It can and should know a great deal about the other person. It may be aware of that person’s failures, shortcomings and faults. Yet it totally accepts him or her without demanding anything in return. There is no way you can earn this type of love, nor can you lose it. It has not strings attached.

Love, period is different from if love in that it does not require certain conditions to be met before it is given. It is also different from because love in that it is not generated by attractive or desirable qualities in the other person. Lust, romance, infatuation, sex, if love and because love are predominantly about getting something from another person. True love is about giving to another person.

Luke and Traci are still closer to the getting side in their relationship. If what they identify as love is to grow into true love, each of them will need to make a transition to the giving side."

...excerpt taken from the book up there, available at Evangel, SS2

reading...

2005-07-09T12:32:00.000+08:00

figure i won't get to finish it, so might as well blog it now.

Speaking in broad strokes, is it true that a girl matures with each relationship she gets into - and moves on from - that it's almost necessary for her to have more than one in her lifetime? Like fiesty teenagers finding themselves after a full round of pop, da-funk, rock, and marilyn manson?

What about guys? Do guys change as decidedly as girls after each break-up/fade out?

excerpt: Having dated for forty-one days eight years ago also rules out our ever completely approving of anyone the other person dates. This is because you understand, on some subconscious level, they chose that person over you.

For example, Andrew's current girlfriend. Her name is Kimberley. Kim-ber-ley. It sounds like an adverb or adjective. I could use it to describe a vacation spa ("where expert masseuses will kimberley relieve your sore muscles") or a Mexican villa ("where the kimberley, gauze-draped beds will float you to sleep under the stars")

it's Friday

2005-07-08T13:30:00.001+08:00

And the week has not ended. because i have a paper tomorrow at 2 blardy pm.

Is there a superlative to the word busy? Coz it's just the word i need to describe my state of being right now.

And i didn't know lack of sleep can actually make you look more attractive... totally, man - when your single eyelids turn into double eyelids! Unless, of course, they start retaliating and double over into multiple eyelids, in which case everything in view becomes sorta halved.

And speaking of not seeing the big picture, who has not heard of the London bombings?

People say it came as such a shock to them. That the whole world was surprised. Caught off-guard. But tell me, after the US, wasn't it obvious who they were gonna tick off their checklist?

Most ironic if they didn't see it coming.

When have we not faught an eye for an eye without leaving the whole world blind?

early bird

2005-06-30T23:17:00.000+08:00

currymeestalless
Originally uploaded by ekay1983.

Now, you'd think this was some elaborate photo shoot where tables and chairs were positioned by the roadside in bustling SS2 and models were asked to sit and stare pointlessly at some predetermined focal point.

That is, of course, if you didn't know that the place hawks one of the few commendable curry mees and scrumptious siu mais in the area.

We were too early, lah.

menyerah

2005-06-28T22:29:00.000+08:00

yee lee at LB lounge

haven't been bloggin about life coz been too busy livin it, heh.

okay, where were we?

ah yes, Leo Burnett.

We reached the building at 10am. Got to see the living legend at about 11am. And were on the road again around 1pm.

And if i chose not to divulge details of whatever happened within that 3 hours, you'd be wishing you could sock me in the face.

See ah, I can remember what i felt as the Storyteller was spinning her tales. I could remember what i thought of at every pause, every gesture, every turn of a glance, every question in return, and every 'mah', 'lah', 'hor' and 'meh' - she's so chinesefied man, heheh...

but words might just be failing me right now.

Yes, she believes in true love. Yes she believes in love at first sight. And that true love can happen at first sight. Because?

Well, how long does it take for you to fall in love?

Remember what she said?

A minute.

Because you accept what you see. Without doubt, without suspicion, without fear. You're floating on the pillows of heaven.

And if what you see sees you back in the same way...

you finish the sentence la. we've been down this path before, haven't we?

But i came clean. I told Kak Yasmin i wasn't there for the newspaper.

i told her i had an ulterior motive.

then she promptly got up, showed me the door and said she had better things to do.

no, of course, she didn't. but she should've!

She doesn't have time - it's must be like, a universal truth by now. She doesn't have it. But she makes it. She makes time. She made time for us, and we ended up not wanting to leave her good company, because she's just so fun to be around. Her infectious laughter, her candour. so outspoken. so down to earth. so real.

She even made time for the citibank telemarketer who called to promote a loan. Of course, she wasn't interested, but she listened.

She listens.

and then she speaks.

"I think, I'm not sure, but i think that love at first sight isn't always true love, but true love can always happen at first sight."

And you know what?

Sepet was Herstory.

she was orked.

i mean, you shoulda been there man! the resemblance was unbelievable!

if you wondered what might happen to orked later on in her life, you don't have to wonder anymore.

of course, not everything was the same la. Movie makers carry the creative license most people can't, or won't, in their jobs.

anyway, back to the question i wanted an answer for.

About love unreciprocated. About love unrequited. She said yes, you gotta quickly get out of the situation once you're innit. Because if you don't, then you're depriving the one in the future the chance of loving you and be loved by you in return.

So. I guess. Da master has spoken.

she has. i guess.

a lil q&a

2005-06-15T03:21:00.000+08:00

have an interview with yasmin ahmad besok pagi. (well, more like later on this morning la)

but not sure what to ask her.

actually, not sure if it's right to ask her what i want to ask. another ethical problem ler. eh, why issit only when i'm taking media ethics this sem that all the ethical problems start cropping up ah?

see, when the managing editor (read: yee lee) first asked me to try and get her for a PP (personality profile), i just thot, shucks, another working hours interview ala v mag. and a person like her would definitely not have time for us lowly students what.

then i started poring over her blog. It was one big load of 'arts and film' stuff that an ignoramus like me would never understand fully in a million years.

But then ah, there was something that made me read all her posts since august two thousand and four and some of the few million comments she receives one by one orr (of course i won't remember everything la. selective retention what!)

Love. She keep on talking about it wan. And i kept on reading lor.

She seems to have it all, this big-hearted (i've been told), successful lady with loving parents (well in their 70s and still having sex, if i remember correctly) and a lover who also happens to be her husband (snicker). I mean, like, she's totally living it, man.

After a while, i decided at an ungodly hour of that early morning that i just had to speak to her. felt like i've known her before. felt like she has something to tell me. something important. so, short a miracle, the interview will take place. Thank you God.

I learnt one thing from that blog oso, you know. About rezeki. Rezeki aku not determined by anyone else except by God. Which is why i think i just smiled when i saw a B-tolak on my result slip for industrial attachment. Yep, a B-tolak darab 6 whole credit hours for the entire sem. hey, shit happens.

but that's not really why i've been acting like a menapausal tart lately.

i've had some personal issues. and think i’ll be going for this interview with a personal agenda.

Journalism books can teach us everything we need to know about conducting an interview. But sometimes, we forget what we want to know. What we want to ask. I mean, dontcha think what we want to ask, others will want to ask too?

i wan to ask her what true love is. And why she believes in love at first sight. And why she equates that with true love?

I wanna know why the fucking hell am i going nuts over a girl i know i never knew; will never know.

we'll see what happens la, yeah...

sometimes

2005-06-14T20:11:00.000+08:00

all you're left with...

...is a why

pant. rant.

2005-06-12T23:54:00.000+08:00

effing gawd!

I've never been so emotionally and physically drained. Exhaustion is, at best, an understatement.

leading friday's p&w sessions for sfx's junior confirmation camp at IJ convent was something i'd been looking forward to after a long week of classes and endless wild goose chasing. Letting go of all pent-up nerves through song was supposed to be my therapeutic respite to a rocky start to the semester. And believe me, this sem is my rockiest yet!

But wait.

I forgot we were dealing with another church. Another age-group. fifteen-year-olds who just.... STONED throughout two entire sessions save night worship where paul saved the day with his electric strings.

It was inexperience on our part to have overlooked the fact that they were not familiar with the chosen songs, but to be locked in a dead gaze and have arms perpetually folded even as we were trying to liven the mood was absolutely discouraging.

At one point, i sorta lost it. What were we doing this for? Who were we doing this for?

i felt challenged.

But failure is no stranger to me.

Failures are my stepping stones.

mona lisa me

2005-06-07T23:52:00.000+08:00

mug shot on my msn messenger

tell me. what emotion do you see?

different people have commented that i look resentful, lost, sleepy... what else?

and i'll tell you how i really felt at that moment.

Yowzah!

2005-06-04T20:46:00.000+08:00

you just gotta...

...breathe a lil bit

...kenyir lake

...deeper into kenyir

...floating mosque, K.T. plz don't take offence at what the two people in the pic are doing, it's just innocent fun, okay?

...marang coast

...same thing

...aerial view from penang hill

Quote of the year (my year, anyways)
"i'm not gonna tell you to forget her, because it's too difficult.
just think of it this way: because of her, you get to experience
another thing in life."

A lil poetry, a lil prose

2005-05-26T22:56:00.000+08:00

To see the world in a grain of sand,
and the heavens in a wild flower;
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
and Eternity in an hour...

Blake reaches out to me bcoz. . . it's the only gawdem poem still stuck in my head after all these years (so much for Eng Lit during SPM)

do feel rather contemplative right now, though.

photo shot on the coast of marang, tourist area, fishermen village.

we'd just arrived after an infinitely long bus ride and wuz checking out the sights at the break of dawn.

thoughts brewing. thoughts brooding.

makes you wonder.

wander.

Dear Edwin:

2005-05-22T11:37:00.000+08:00

I was just released from a series of final exams of the spring semester. I felt utterly odd due to the lack of many due dates ahead. The exciting notion of going home might as well contribute to this complex feeling. Yet there are a few more things that have been deeply affecting my state of emotion these days.

For brief, I'm graduating next spring, one year ahead of my class. This was made possible due to all the hard work I've done. Not only just graduation, I'll be graduating with an biology minor and an honor thesis with my bachelor degree in physics. And I plan to stay finishing my biophysics project with the professor I've been working with. And she offers me a master program with scholarship to make me stay. If everything goes well, I'll be pursuing my PHD by the age of 22, with equally firm standings of physics and biology.

I don't think my fast pace of academic progress is the whole point of my excitement. The most important thing is that I will be working on the right kind of science which I was meant to be doing. Looking back to my learning history, it is just impossible to constrain me within either solemnly physics or only biology. On the other hand, I never show any slight interest in the non-natural sciences such as politics, economics, sociology, etc. To be precise, I just love all kinds of natural sciences. And I just can't help drawing connections between them. My dream is to integrate and unite all these sciences back together as they originally were.

This is all what I'm going through right now. By the way, I just turned 19 this May. Wasn't that amazing? Well, the most amazing thing is that I totally forgot about it until my sister's birthday card arrived.

Cordially

Huai-Ti
__________________

Everybody, meet boy-wonder, Huai-Ti from Taiwan.

That's him in the green tee. The pretty lass is his sister, future music composer, also in the States right now. The guy on the farthest left is Ivan, ex-classmate, pursuing CS at Cornell. His brother is the avid photographer/offroad cyclist and waja modifier hiding behind the moniker of kevlar on my list of frens' blogs. The guy squatting beside ivan is doing pharmacy in USM.

It was Sweden, a cool 15 degrees C. People from other parts of the world were plunging into the lake in their undies if you're not the least bit interested in the foreground.

See. Everybody has the same 24 hours a day. How you use it leaves you successful or otherwise.

But if i'm supposed to feel left behind, it's not working.

Why?

Because, children, everybody is entitled to move at his or her own pace. It's when you're stuck or when you're regressing that you oughta start worrying.

Incidentally, just last night i had a conversation with a fren about losing your mojo and getting it back. And guess what? We're allowed to do that.

Huai-Ti has had an aptitude for soaking up information like a gigantic sponge and processing them like a super computer. And I am genuinely happy for him.

So, what's your measure of success?

To each, his own.

Have a great life, everyone!

9-9-4

2005-05-20T19:59:00.000+08:00

is a number you don't dial everyday.

Unless, of course, there was a BMW on fire. Like so.

Then you'd get some guy lifting the receiver on the other end only on your second attempt. You tell him what's the problem - and if it's not some cat stuck on a tree, you'll sense a lil bit more urgency in his voice.

You give him a specific address. He asks for your name and contact details. It's not like they don't have your number on thier caller ID - they just wanna find out if you still remember your own number.

After about five minutes, you'll hear the siren of a fire engine drawing near, but then again, the sound also becomes more and more faint. Until perhaps, the third mini explosion from that blazing Beemer.

Approaching the inferno, a fireman would risk his life and when he ceases his advance you'd expect the jet of water instead of a

"Tak cukup panjang lah..."

No, the fire didn't reach the fuel tank. Nobody got hurt. Forensics team worked throughout the night.

I wonder if they nailed the cause.

Hogging the road!

2005-05-17T21:45:00.000+08:00

If you're blocking others, you're not a road hog. You're a road COW. So stop cowing the road!

on the way back from kenyir. you don't know just how many heaps of dung these bovines leave on the tarmac. dodging 'em felt like being in a super marioland game.

It's true

2005-05-17T20:39:00.000+08:00

the head does come out first during childbirth!

pulau kapas off marang, water was so good that we were innit from ten to seven with snack breaks and some snorkelling in between.

was a wonder we didn't end up all wrinkly.

aku dah balik... again

2005-05-11T21:16:00.000+08:00

but i've got a room full of dust mites from probably all five continents of the world to clean and a shit load of stuff to prepare for the new semester starting in a coupla weeks.

i'll leave flooding you with the 400 odd photos of Terengannu, Kedah and Penang for another occasion.

Pair o' teasers.

Behold the shaolin high master engaging in the most arduous art of aqua meditation whilst sending signs (or signboards) to all who ill-treat the environment!

If transmited messages are dumbfounding, let the master offer you some counsel: Love the environment, not your gilrfriend... yup, purty sure that's what the state government's trying to say!

EK. Out!

Just back

2005-05-02T09:51:00.000+08:00

from a camp @ genting.

Organising and participating are two worlds of a difference.

Will be out of circulation till May 11th.

i'll see you when i see you.

sayin it with style

2005-04-28T12:26:00.000+08:00

farewellcard
Originally uploaded by ekay1983.

the team took me out for dinner last night.

Opus at Bt Bandaraya.

Great food. Had some red wine with my grilled salmon.

Hehe, woulda ordered something more adventurous if i weren't a guest.

The tiramisu was a tad too moist for my liking.

Service din quite meet our expectations of the 10% surcharge.

But twas a great night for me!

2005-04-24T23:37:00.000+08:00

Another Feel Good movie.

Y'know.

while everybody talks about the possibilty of loving someone forever,

i wonder if it's possible to like someone forever?

back

2005-04-21T04:20:00.000+08:00

my prolonged absense from blogosphere

one too many a reason.

You know you're not young anymore when you can relate to a shattered fantasy.

there comes a time when you know what you want. And you know what you have to do to get what you want. So, you follow your heart.

And then there are those times when you know it's not possible. But keeps coming back at you like a bad dream. Pining. Hurting. Seeking. Solace. So, you wait for it to pass. It's not like you have a choice, actually. And wait for time to reveal the greater good.

The Greater Good. One too many.

Photo updates can be viewed downwards from here contrary to conventional blogger ascending fashion.

the Educational trip to China's long overdue, better late than never. many photos stolen from yee lee

enjois!

The Food Maketh a Nation

2005-04-21T04:03:00.001+08:00

china
Originally uploaded by ekay1983.

xiao loong pao

only the one's at Yu Yuan in Shanghai have the bestest soup in 'em, and not in overly diluted ammounts like those at Loong Sifu, SS2 too.

Looks like crap in the picture. And looks exactly like picture in real life too. But one bite will have you longing for more.

Worth the 45 minute wait. Yeah, and you thought people only line up for PS2s and harry potter.

2005-04-21T03:55:00.000+08:00

china
Originally uploaded by ekay1983.

tang yuen

lurv the filling.

they've got black sesame, spicy, peanut-ish - nothing like what's available locally for that kinda price.

2005-04-21T03:52:00.000+08:00

china
Originally uploaded by ekay1983.

Biggest caterpillar we'd ever seen or tasted.

in the league of camel and donkey satay.

2005-04-21T03:49:00.000+08:00

Wanli University Entrance.

nuf said.

2005-04-21T03:46:00.000+08:00

china
Originally uploaded by ekay1983.

Right, now i know there's nothing they can't imitate, except for maybe 12-cylinder luxury cars.

But ain't this is a bit of an overkill?

Colonel Sanders. What happen to your EYES?!

2005-04-21T03:42:00.001+08:00

china
Originally uploaded by ekay1983.

Shipwreck!

Shipwreck!!

2005-04-21T03:42:00.000+08:00

china
Originally uploaded by ekay1983.

Ningbo CRV.

This one's made for the weather.

2005-04-21T03:34:00.000+08:00

china
Originally uploaded by ekay1983.

"plenty of fish in the sea, ay?"

ya don't say...

2005-04-21T03:30:00.000+08:00

china
Originally uploaded by ekay1983.

this totally speaks for itself.

no further questions, your honour.

2005-04-21T03:27:00.000+08:00

china
Originally uploaded by ekay1983.

holy cow!

What is it with printing plants and giant toilet rolls, man?

2005-04-21T03:24:00.000+08:00

china
Originally uploaded by ekay1983.

And moving on to more serious matters on the national political front...

Did you know that Samy Vellu doesn't eat Chapatti with Chicken Curry and Mango Lassi for breakfast every morning? Maybe that's why he's so stiff-a$$ed about building that there second bridge to Penang island...

Green Lotus

2005-04-21T03:11:00.000+08:00

green lotus
Originally uploaded by ekay1983.

Interior of one of the private rooms at this almost hidden cafe behind Lot 10.

Another room seats guests comfortably on the floor around a rectangular table ala Japanee. There's also a mock hut in a corner where you have to climb onto a raised pelana and rest your laurels on tassled cushions like maharajas.

And oh, you just gotta check out their main toilet man! Red cloth over ceiling light, lionhead with nose ring for a door knob and lock... no, if i took a camera into the loo, it just wouldna looked right.

Anyways. Cosy. Real cosy!

i like the composition of this shot. whaddaya say?

2005-04-21T03:01:00.000+08:00

green lotus
Originally uploaded by ekay1983.

fancy interior deco.

ambience to a T, but you can't really see what the hell you're eating sometimes.

2005-04-21T02:52:00.000+08:00

green lotus
Originally uploaded by ekay1983.

haiyoh, thirsty oso don't make the ikan's home any smaller than it already is la...

2005-04-21T02:47:00.000+08:00

green lotus
Originally uploaded by ekay1983.

Not getting enough of the fish.

protein deficiency ma.

2005-04-21T02:34:00.000+08:00

greenlotus
Originally uploaded by ekay1983.

okay, last one, last one!

silhouette of the lone guppy

Bukit Jalil Park

2005-04-21T02:29:00.000+08:00

bt jalil park
Originally uploaded by ekay1983.

nocturnal jaunt after green lotus.

some of the equipment here's purty cool, you know.

2005-04-21T02:26:00.000+08:00

btjalilpark
Originally uploaded by ekay1983.

...and after the gym session, our ascent has begun.

Yeah, alien eyes peering from amongst foliage.

I'm scared shitless already.